Being Broken, but Still Healing

Being Broken, but Still Healing

During Mental Health Awareness month, I unexpectedly found myself without medication for a grueling 2.5 weeks. This experience took me on a rollercoaster ride, transitioning from feeling emotionally numb to feeling everything intensely. Navigating such extreme emotional shifts was undeniably challenging, and it had profound effects on various aspects of my life, including my business. I had to temporarily put a halt to my professional endeavors because I simply could not gather myself appropriately.

During this tumultuous period, I realized the futility of avoiding seeking help and the consequences of masking my pain, which only led to a surge of different and overwhelming emotions. I observed that many women conceal their anxiety, depression, PTSD, and Military Sexual Trauma (MST), but they inadvertently compound their issues by doing so. As I transitioned out of the Army, it became evident that I was doing myself a disservice by not confronting these deep-rooted problems.

Having earned my MBA, I do not recall encountering any suggestion during my studies that advocated for disconnecting from my business to heal. However, during my last trip with my Army company to The Gorge in West Virginia, I consciously practiced mindfulness, spent time outdoors, and painted while gazing at the magnificent landscape. It was during this exercise that a wave of emotions swept over me, revealing how tightly wound up I had become and how deeply I questioned every aspect of my life. In fact, I had become so preoccupied that I was no longer enjoying the creative process.

In that transformative moment, I coached myself to let go and release the pressure I had placed upon myself. As a result, my painting began to evolve, surpassing its previous state. This served as a powerful reminder for me to pause and reflect. As someone who consistently gives to others, I realized I had been giving so much because I was not receiving in return. I longed to be seen and acknowledged, but if I could not recognize and appreciate my own accomplishments, how could I expect anyone else to do so?

Then, I reached a significant realization—I needed to give myself the credit I deserved and stop seeking validation from those around me. As long as I knew that God acknowledged and recognized me, my actions, and their impact, that was indeed all that mattered.

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